My boyfriend has a 6 year-old daughter. I've never met her and I have no desire to. I hate her mother. I've never met her either, but I hate her. I hate all babymommas.
I struggle with being with my man only because he has a child. He'd be perfect if it wasn't for that. I sound like an evil bitch right now, but hear me out.
I don't have kids and am trying my best to accept it. For me, it's like God doesn't think I deserve unconditional love. I know that's not true, still it's going to take a while for me to truly believe that. Which brings me to the first reason why I hate babymommas, I'm jealous of them. They have the one thing in life that I haven't been able to get. They have children, and I don't. They are a constant reminder of my biggest insecurity.
Sometimes my money gets funny. I'm not rich so making sure the bills are paid can get stressful at times. I can't depend on my man to help in those times because when his babymomma can't pay her car note, he has to pay it. If she's short on the rent, he has to make up the difference. All because he has to make sure his daughter is taken care of. I hate that the help I need, I can't get. The babymomma comes first. I mean, she does have the child. It just makes me feel as though no matter what I do I will never come first to him. What's the point in being with a man if he doesn't love you more than anything or anyone else?
I have issues within me and I pray to God about them regularly. I know things don't happen overnight, but damn! When am I going to get over the negative view I have of myself? Why do babymommas shine a light on what I hate about myself?
I guess I will continue to have faith and pray that one day I will have all that I ask for. If you're a babymomma and I offended you, so what! Look in your child's eyes and be glad your not in my shoes.
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Many single women can probably relate to where you are coming from with your dislike for babymommas because it's not easy dating a man who has children from a previous relationship.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the title of this post however and based on those Maury TV shows and the news and online websites that report the nonsense that goes on between exes, I thought that this post was going to reveal something that the babymomma does that you don't like or something that babymommas do that is disrespectful.
I am not in favor of out-of-wedlock children, so the babymomma thing does not sit well with me. Still, I think that there is no reason to dislike all babymommas if they didn't do anything specifically to you.
The help that is not available seems to be a reflection on what the boyfriend/father's priorities are in his life. It may be beneficial to try to have a conversation with him about your concerns regarding his financial assistance that his provides for the babymomma.
Yes, the car note is important but that is not a necessity that is directly related to his child, so there is no reason that he should be paying it. The rent may be an understandable expense for him to help the babymomma out with since it provides shelter for the child but even then, if the babymomma cannot afford to keep a roof over the child that she chose to bring into the world, then maybe she should not be the primary caregiver for this child.
If the boyfriend/father is more financially stable than the babymomma, then the child is better off living with him. This could help to make sure that his money is going directly toward taking care of his daughter, which is his only responsibility....not the babymomma.
He is responsible for the daughter but he is not responsible for the babymomma's expenses. Since they are no longer together, he should not be expected to, nor should he be willing to continue bankrolling his babymomma.
The child comes first, always but the babymomma should not come first.
See, this is why I make efforts to not date men with kids, lol. If I come across guys who have kids, it takes a LOT for me to consider dating such men.
In this situation, it seems like the babymomma is to blame but the boyfriend & father is the one putting out the dough, so he is the one with the final say. Why hate the babymomma? She wouldn't get this stuff paid if he didn't pay it for her and she wouldn't get the financial assistance if he wasn't giving it to her, so I think, to improve the situation, it may be best to go to the source...him...and see if some changes can be made that would make you feel like you are a priority in his life.
I hope this situation works out for you two :) I would not want to be in your shoes. Maybe this is just a rough patch in your relationship and things will improve regarding the daughter and babymomma before you know it....you never know, it could happen and you all could be one big happy family....at least you him and his daughter. Don't rule it out...you may like it after all. :)
Just try to have a talk with him and see if you two can come to an understanding that works out for everyone involved.
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