Finding a man in his twenties that's ready to settle down is like trying to find Waldo. It's possible, but it's going to take a while. Relationships scare them away. Casual sex in a "friends with benefits" type of situation is right up their alley, though. I've had so much trouble in those types of relationships, and I'm not alone. This type of relationship will never work, and I'm gonna tell you why...
Very few people are able to completely detach themselves emotionally from sex.
If a woman has sex with a man she has some type of feelings for him. Period. Even if they agree that it's "just sex", there are some feelings there. Men catch feelings, too. They just hide it well. The whole point of friends with benefits is sex with no strings attached. So when strings begin to tighten, the relationship changes.
It's too complicated.
How do treat your new "friend"? Do you go on dates? Do you introduce him to your family? It can get complicated keeping up a relationship like this. Between keeping your feelings in check and treating him the way he's supposed to be treated soon the "benefits" will be in question. Somebody will end up questioning what the two of you are doing together. The longer you deal with each other the more it will feel like a traditional relationship, but that's not what it is so what then? I don't know either.
It can't stand the test of time. It's a short term option only.
When you find that friend that's playing their position the right way (i.e. the sex is good, they don't catch feelings, you get along great) you're going to want to keep it that way. Unfortunately, all good thing must come to an end. If your "friends with benefits" relationship goes longer that a month or so, like I said in my first point, somebody's going to catch feelings. Ending it will be just as hard as breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend which defeats the purpose of just being friends. The emotional part isn't supposed to be a factor.
So in the end, being friends with benefits is a real thing, it's a relationship just like any other one. It needs boundaries, it takes work, and somebody's feelings will be involved. To me, you'd be better off having a one night stand. That's the only way to guarantee you can sleep with somebody and end it there with no strings or emotions.
You know what, I was not sure what this post was going to be about when I read the title of it, lol, but now after reading the post, I understand.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point here. A Friends with benefits setup can be a lot of work for many people, just like a real relationship, so based on how you laid it out....the one night stand does seem like the better bet when going for the "no strings attached" route.
The best bet is for men and women to just not have sex at all until they get into a relationship. I mean, that does eliminate the need to play all these types of games, zig zagging through the non-girlfriend/non-boyfriend politics of those friend with benefits and one night stand things.
The Madlab Post
I agree with you, Nicole. I personally don't have relations with anybody I'm not in a relationship with.
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