16 & Beaten

Growing up as a black female in the low middle class inner city, I've seen the struggles of black youth. Issues like high school drop outs, teen pregnancy, gang violence, and selling drugs are the most common and visible issues suffered by our teens.
One of the most common but least talked about problems is abusive relationships among black teenagers.
This issue has hit home for me for a long time now. At 16, I had a boyfriend that was physically and mentally abusive. I was so naive that I didn't even realize that I was being abused until it was too late. I have friends that fist fought their boyfriends on a regular basis when we were younger. I have one niece that was beat by age 18 and another who is currently in a relationship that has the early signs of a controlling, mentally abusive relationship.
Last year there was a girl at Jane Addams H.S. that was shot and killed by her boyfriend.
These days, grandparents are in their 30s and kids are raising themselves at 12 and 13 years old. Most young dudes in the streets have learned the "fuck them bitches" or "I don't love them hoes" mentality that causes them to treat good girls like hoes and bitches. Others may have been raised in a home that taught them a distorted idea of how to treat a woman so they treat their girlfriends like a possession instead of a partner. Then there are those like my abuser, who grew up watching their father (figure) beat on their mother so they know no other way.
These young girls usually have been raised in a home without a father and feel deprived of love. They have low self-esteem or some depression. They feel worthless so they look for someone or something to fulfill them. In most cases, they've already engaged in some sort of destructive behavior be it drugs, alcohol, or irresponsible sex by the time they meet their abuser. Some may have already been abused by a parent or family member so, in a crazy way, abuse is what makes them feel loved.
Whatever the circumstances, teen abuse in relationships is an issue that needs some light shed on it so that it can be stopped. So that lives can be saved.
My advice to women of all ages is to look for the signs. If you think your boyfriend is abusive then, more than likely, he is. If he is quick to anger, always has something negative to say about you, or is very possessive of you then he may be an abuser. Maybe not physically, but the possibility of mental abuse is also there.
Always love yourself first. Keep yourself happy so that you know what love feels like. That way a man can't hurt you and claim that it's love.