Love & Happiness: The Ultimate Choice- Pt. 1

HAPPINESS....

If the best things in life are free, why can some of those things be so hard to attain? Stuff like confidence, peace, love, and happiness.
I went through years of depression and low self-esteem. At the time, I felt that my experiences determined my emotions. My alcoholic father was the blame for my horrible relationships with men. I was too shy to have a lot of friends. I was too fat to be pretty. Other people made me determine my worth. Before I knew what happened, I had become a prisoner of my own mind. My family and friends had been pushed away, my job was gone, and I spent most of my time in my room crying.
The question I asked most was "why me?" Why am I the only one out of everybody I kick it with that can't be happy and have a good time? I was fed up with being depressed all the time. The time had come for a new attitude!
I had no idea how I was going to conquer my depression, I just knew that I had to. I got advice from my friends and family on what they thought would help me. Most of it was general words of encouragement that was nice but not all that helpful. Two of my closest friends finally gave me the inspiration for change that I needed.
The first girl was one that I wanted to be more like. She always seemed to be on top of her game. She always had a job, kept money, nice car, home, and beautiful kids. When she did have down times, she always bounced back quickly, unfazed, and better off than she was. She was outspoken, strong, independent, and confident. Everything I wasn't.
One day I called her and told her about the changes that I was going through. When she started to give me her "two cents", I cut her off and told her that she couldn't really understand what I was going through because she already had what I was trying to get. To my surprise, this offended her.
She told me that she had her own battles to fight in her life and she knew exactly what struggle and pain felt like. People on the outside looking in at her don't know what it took for her to get where she is. She felt like it was unfair for people to judge her based on who they think she is or what they think she got.
I asked what was wrong with people looking at you and seeing a woman with no worries? She said because people try to use you when they think you have a lot. She said that she only let's people see the good her. She could never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her miserable. Why? Because misery loves company, of course! People feed off of that and they will try to keep you down so that they can feel better. She finished by telling me that we're all blessed and that I should count all of my blessings.
My other friend was one that I envied because of her survival skills. Growing up she endured a drug addict mother. She went from being shy and fat to slim and popular. She also suffered two family tragedies. The last time we spoke she was homeless, unemployed, and pregnant.
This time when we spoke she had a nice place, a good job, and a beautiful daughter. I visited her and over drinks we caught up on what we'd been up to. I praised her on how she managed to always keep it together through all her troubles. She told me that her secret to staying happy was her great ability to pretend. Sure she always seemed okay, but underneath it all, she was a mess sometimes.
She went on to tell me about her failed relationship with her babydaddy and her emotional struggles with motherhood. The only way she knows how to stay sane is to live all her bad days pretending to be happy.
Here were two women with their own problems who somehow managed to live happily. All this time I'd thought in order to be happy your life had to be perfect. There were no bad days. They showed me that happiness was not determined by your circumstances. Happiness is not hard to attain. Being happy is something you choose to be, no matter what's going on in your life. No matter what anybody else thinks.
I looked at my situation and started to list everything that I was grateful for. To my surprise, I had a pretty long list! At that moment I decided to choose happiness. Every time I find myself losing my happiness, I pull out my list and remind myself of the decision I've made. To stay happy no matter what!